It's been more than a decade since I felt that my body was good enough. The first time I felt fat, I weighed a grand total of sixty five pounds. I was a pretty normal sized kid at that time, but I weighed five pounds more than a girl who was a year older than me. It seems like such a silly reason to feel fat now, but back then, it really made me feel like a baby whale, an image which my mother promoted when I reiterated the story to her, and she said that it wouldn't hurt to watch what I ate. She did, of course, not mean to say that there was anything wrong with my weight, but that's what I heard.
In the years that followed, I never stopped feeling fat. I felt fat all throughout secondary school and upper secondary school. And then suddenly I didn't just feel fat anymore, I was fat. For me, it was a self-fulfilling prophesy. Already at a young age, food became something that wasn't just nutrition. It was a reward and a comfort. Pretty much anything could be used as an excuse to eat. A bad day at school could be fixed by a Snickers bar. A good grade on a test should be celebrated by a bag of cheese doodles. And so on and on and on.
I'll freely admit that I struggle a lot with food. I know what I should eat and what I shouldn't. But it's almost a compulsion. I'll be halfway through a chocolate bar, and I'll think that it's not really that good, but dammit, I'll finish it anyway.
I can't help think that people are judging me when I eat in public. I'm certain that the cashier at my local grocery store thinks 'of course' when she scans in a bag of chips and a bottle of soda. If I'm eating ice cream with my friends on a hot summer day, I'm sure people think that I should have some water instead.
Maybe it seems a little ridiculous to think that way. But then again, maybe it's not. Maybe the reason why I think people are judging me is because they are.
My initial response was: Hmm, being overweight is one thing — those people are downright obese! And while I think our country's obsession with physical perfection is unhealthy, I also think it's at least equally crazy, albeit in the other direction, to be implicitly promoting obesity! Yes, anorexia is sick, but at least some slim models are simply naturally skinny. No one who is as fat as Mike and Molly can be healthy. And obesity is costing our country far more in terms of all the related health problems we are paying for, by way of our insurance, than any other health problem, even cancer.
She's got it partly right. The obsession with physical perfection is unhealthy. But pray to whatever higher powers you believe in that you're on the right extreme. I don't think anyone can deny that being sickly skinny is more acceptable than being overweight. Just turn on your TV, or open a magazine. The fatties are few and far between, and if they're there, they're usually there to be miserable because they're big. Because it's impossible to be both big and happy.
Also, if some slim women are simply naturally skinny, wouldn't that indicate that some women are also naturally heavier? When I was twelve years old, I lamented to my mother than whereas my friends could eat crap all day and not gain a gram, I simply had to look at it to gain five pounds. There are differences in our metabolic rates, and I'm not one of the lucky ones.
As for anorexia being sick... yes, it is. But morbid obesity is not? Do you really think anyone would choose to eat themselves into an early grave if there wasn't some part of their psyche that's fucking with them, just like there's a part of the anorexic's brain that tells her to starve herself to the same end?
So anyway, yes, I think I'd be grossed out if I had to watch two characters with rolls and rolls of fat kissing each other ... because I'd be grossed out if I had to watch them doing anything. To be brutally honest, even in real life, I find it aesthetically displeasing to watch a very, very fat person simply walk across a room — just like I'd find it distressing if I saw a very drunk person stumbling across a bar or a heroine addict slumping in a chair.
Let's switch out 'fat person' with 'black person' or 'homosexual person'. Does anyone have a problem with me saying that I'm grossed out by homosexuals kissing? I thought so. So why is it okay to say that you're grossed out by overweight people kissing? Why do you even care? But sure, let's send all the fat people to Siberia or the Sahara desert, where they can be affectionate with one another without grossing others out.
And with regards to alcoholics and heroine addicts, I don't feel distress when I see them stumbling or slumping resepctively. I feel sad, that their addiction has taken them to this terrible place. But it's also not very comparable to what overweight people go through every day. An alcoholic has the choice to never have a drink ever again. A heroine addict can choose to not have another hit. No one argues that it's difficult for both of them to make this choice. But an overweight person can never make the choice to stop eating. Every single day, they're going to be faced with their addiction, but for us, it's not supposed to be hard. We're just going to eat a little less. That's not hard at all.
Now, don't go getting the wrong impression: I have a few friends who could be called plump. I'm not some size-ist jerk. And I also know how tough it can be for truly heavy people to psych themselves up for the long process of slimming down. (For instance, the overweight maintenance guy at my gym has talked to me a little bit about how it seems worthless for him to even try working out, because he's been heavy for as long as he can remember.)
But ... I think obesity is something that most people have a ton of control over. It's something they can change, if only they put their minds to it.
Let me define discrimination for you: it's the act of making a distinction in favor or against a person or a thing based on the group, class or category to which that person or thing belongs to rather than on individual merit. And forgive me for pointing this out, but wasn't she saying just a paragraph ago that fat people kissing makes her uncomfortable? Does a normal sized couple also gross her out with their public displays of affection? How about an anorexic couple? If they don't, that makes her, by definition, a sizeist jerk.
And unless she has actually been a truly heavy person trying to slim down, she has no idea how tough it is. She might think that she does, but she has never fought that battle. I'm sure she's fought her own battles with anorexia and bulimia (which, by the way, shouldn't that be an indicator that she does not have a healthy view on this issue?), but it's like saying that a depressed patient fully understands what difficulties a schizophrenic faces.
Though I do think that, as a 'former' anorexic and bulimic, she should have some sort of understanding of what a less than favorable body image does to a person. She should know what it's like to look at your body and see everything that's wrong with it. And she should know that hurtful comments such as these help no one. No one but an insensitive asshat would tell an anorexic that her body is gross. She hates her body enough without outside help. But an obese person doesn't?
And if obesity is something most people have a ton of control over, why are there so many obese people? Does anyone really think that anyone chooses to put themselves in a position where they hate their own body, and gives society the 'right' to ridicule them? Because make no mistake about it: it is acceptable to discriminate against a person based on their weight. Oh, maybe we don't talk too loudly about it, but I've read accounts of people peering into shopping baskets to see what that fatso is buying, I've been called a fat cow, and I've heard over and over how lazy I am from people who have never so much as glanced into my daily life.
(I'm happy to give you some nutrition and fitness suggestions if you need them — but long story short, eat more fresh and unprocessed foods, read labels and avoid foods with any kind of processed sweetener in them whether it's cane sugar or high fructose corn syrup, increase the amount of fiber you're getting, get some kind of exercise for 30 minutes at least five times a week, and do everything you can to stand up more — even while using your computer — and walk more. I admit that there's plenty that makes slimming down tough, but YOU CAN DO IT! Trust me. It will take some time, but you'll also feel so good, physically and emotionally. A nutritionist or personal trainer will help — and if you can't afford one, visit your local YMCA for some advice.)
It sounds so easy, doesn't it? Eat less, eat better and move more. But like I've already pointed out, if it's really that simple, why aren't we all at our ideal weight? And why aren't we telling anorexics to 'just eat more'? Or bulimics to 'just stop throwing up'? Or cutters to 'just stop cutting'? Or depressed patients to 'just be happy'? If it's that easy to snap out of it? Because it's really not that easy!
Obese people know that they should eat less, eat better and move more. Us fatsos aren't dumb. We understand the concept very well, thank you very much. To give this advice in this holier-than-thou, snooty and condescending manner... it's not helping. The most difficult task can be boiled down to easy steps, but that doesn't make the task any less difficult.
What do you guys think? Fat people making out on TV — are you cool with it? Do you think I'm being an insensitive jerk?
I think fat people making out on TV - and anywhere else - is totally okay. They're people too, so why not? The fact that she thinks otherwise makes her, in my eyes, an insensitive jerk. Just read the suggestion she makes between the lines.
Fat people offends the world simply by existing. Lock them up so we don't have to look at their gross bodies.
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