All summer long, I've bitched and moaned about everything. My nagging mother, my boring job, my lack of motivation to do anything... you name it, I've probably whined about it.
But as I said goodbye to my parents this morning, I realized I didn't want them to go. Yeah, my mother's been obsessively cleaning my apartment all weekend, and telling me to this and do that. Yeah, on Friday night, I quietly listened to them discussing whether to go home on Saturday night or Monday morning, and I wished they would opt for Saturday. Yeah, I disliked the fact that they were there every minute of every day. But watching them go made me realize that the summer is over, and I am once again responsible for paying bills, making dinner, studying, going to lectures, cleaning... I have to be a grown up again. And I don't want to be.
In fact, if it weren't for sex and deciding my own bed time, I don't think I'd ever want to be an adult.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Now I know
You know that post I wrote a while ago about my week at taekwon-do camp? For those of you too lazy to go back to read that post, it's basically a list of stuff that happened and random thoughts I had at camp. The last point was about maybe seeing a guy that may or may not have been the guy holding hands with a girl, and how that made me feel.
Yesterday, I was walking down the street with my parents, who drove me to the city and are spending the weekend here, before going home tomorrow. 'There's that taekwon-do guy', my mom said, and I looked up, and there he was. With a girl. Holding hands with her.
It's been nine months. I thought I would have moved on, seeing as I knew for sure that my chances were zero, and I'm not naïve enough to think that I was ever in love with him. But you know what? Looking at him still makes my heart beat a little faster (... I can't think of a less clichè way to say this.). Thinking about him still makes me smile, albeit a little sadly/longingly. I want him just as much as I wanted him nine months ago. I'm happy that he's happy, but sad that I'm not the one making him happy.
Yesterday, I was walking down the street with my parents, who drove me to the city and are spending the weekend here, before going home tomorrow. 'There's that taekwon-do guy', my mom said, and I looked up, and there he was. With a girl. Holding hands with her.
It's been nine months. I thought I would have moved on, seeing as I knew for sure that my chances were zero, and I'm not naïve enough to think that I was ever in love with him. But you know what? Looking at him still makes my heart beat a little faster (... I can't think of a less clichè way to say this.). Thinking about him still makes me smile, albeit a little sadly/longingly. I want him just as much as I wanted him nine months ago. I'm happy that he's happy, but sad that I'm not the one making him happy.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
You know what I hate?
I really really hate it when workmen come into my office, do their thing, and leave without closing the door. If I closed the door, it means I wanted the door closed. So close it, yeah? Or at least tell me what the hell you're doing in my office, and if you'll be back, so I don't have to get up to close the door, only to have you barge back in two minutes later!
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
I know I'm totally gorgeous, but...
I have a facebook account. I only log onto it once in a blue moon. Yesterday was a blue moon. My best friend was messing around on Facebook, and I logged on. Among an unknown number of notifications, requests and all that crap, I find a private message.
...
It might be just my Norwegianness (It's all true. We're as cold and reserved as we're rumoured to be. Or maybe it's just me.) acting up, but what the hell? I don't even know what to say to that, or even if I should say anything at all. When my best friend and I were checking out his profile and giggling like a pair of school girls, we came to the conclusion that he's either my dream man, or he's her dream man, based on his interests, likes and dislikes. I'm leaning more towards thinking he's her dream guy, because he says he's proud to be a closet Justin fan, and Justin makes me gag, whereas he makes my friend do stupid dance moves while she's doing dishes, and thus reveal to her the joys of living on the first floor of a student dorm, where everyone can see into your room.
Anyway.
It's kinda cute. I like it when boys call me pretty. But I don't know if this is cute enough to overcome the creepiness of being told I'm pretty by a complete stranger who has seen nothing more than a tiny picture of my face. Especially since I don't have the best track record with stalkers.
Hey, happy birthday for last week! Ive just moved to norway from the uk to work so i thought i would say hi. Im actually living and working in in bergen...is that close to you? I sure hope so! You are really pretty by the way! It would be great to hear from you. Have a good day
...
It might be just my Norwegianness (It's all true. We're as cold and reserved as we're rumoured to be. Or maybe it's just me.) acting up, but what the hell? I don't even know what to say to that, or even if I should say anything at all. When my best friend and I were checking out his profile and giggling like a pair of school girls, we came to the conclusion that he's either my dream man, or he's her dream man, based on his interests, likes and dislikes. I'm leaning more towards thinking he's her dream guy, because he says he's proud to be a closet Justin fan, and Justin makes me gag, whereas he makes my friend do stupid dance moves while she's doing dishes, and thus reveal to her the joys of living on the first floor of a student dorm, where everyone can see into your room.
Anyway.
It's kinda cute. I like it when boys call me pretty. But I don't know if this is cute enough to overcome the creepiness of being told I'm pretty by a complete stranger who has seen nothing more than a tiny picture of my face. Especially since I don't have the best track record with stalkers.
Friday, August 1, 2008
A quick run-through of my week
* I have the worst sense of direction ever. I usually hate speeding, but I will be a sheep if it means not getting left behind while driving to some destination that I don't know how to get to on my own.
* Man, this entire past week has been the hottest experience of my life. And I don't mean sexy-hot, I mean sweaty-sticky-icky-hot. You do not want to come anywhere near my taekwon-do uniforms.
* Being bitten by bugs is exceptionally bad if you are me. I don't know what it was that bit me, but my foot swelled up to twice its size and generally looked like a club with toes. My ankle was rendered non-existant. Trying to do taekwon-do with a foot like that is interesting.
* Most of the boys on the national taekwon-do team are hawt. Like, really really hawt.
* Teenagers are twits. Originally, there were only three girls sleeping in our room, but my sister asked her friend to switch rooms, and the friend brought her friends with her. One of them was allergic to shutting up for more than two consecutive seconds (no topic was too trivial!), and another one was absolutely nutty about the national team. I mean yeah, they're hawt, but I sincerely hope that I wasn't such a shallow idiot when I was 14.
* Some people will always remain twits, even after they're out of their teens. A few of the boys from the national team found out that the big shallow twit thought one guy in particular was gorgeous, and made up some crap for the sole purpose of embarrassing the poor girl.
* Sharing a room with five teenage twits who won't shut up when it's time to go to sleep is not good for my mood. Sharing a room with five teenage twits and two grown up girls who are fond of stumbling into the room and turning on the light an hour after the curfew, thus waking up the teenage twits and setting them a-chattering again is even worse for my mood.
* I need to start paying attention to my wardrobe. I barely brought anything to wear outside of practice, but I had ten athletic bras and a number of shirts to wear underneath my uniform.
* My ass needs to be significantly reduced. When the pants of your taekwon-do uniform hurts more when you're doing stretches than the actual stretching... it's time to take action.
* Peanut butter and chocolate spread taste awesome together. Sadly, the above point prevents me from continuing the habit of having sandwiches like that on a regular basis.
* Even a self-proclaimed hater of fish thinks that fish is awesome after 5-6 hours of working out. Basically, anything that's edible is awesome at this point.
* Being splashed with cold (or even not so cold) water after a two hour work out session feels pretty great, even if you didn't see it coming. It's also fun to splash water at others.
* I need to get half my sweat glands removed. I sweat too easily and way too much. Ick.
* I think I saw the guy (you know... that one) holding hands with a girl. Not entirely sure that it was him, because he was walking away, but it looked like him, and although it's been more than six months, it still stung to know that the girl wasn't and isn't ever likely to be me. I want him to be happy though.
* Being the only person in the car with a driver's licence on a long road trip sucks.
* Holy crap! There are 74 posts accumulated in my google reader!
* Man, this entire past week has been the hottest experience of my life. And I don't mean sexy-hot, I mean sweaty-sticky-icky-hot. You do not want to come anywhere near my taekwon-do uniforms.
* Being bitten by bugs is exceptionally bad if you are me. I don't know what it was that bit me, but my foot swelled up to twice its size and generally looked like a club with toes. My ankle was rendered non-existant. Trying to do taekwon-do with a foot like that is interesting.
* Most of the boys on the national taekwon-do team are hawt. Like, really really hawt.
* Teenagers are twits. Originally, there were only three girls sleeping in our room, but my sister asked her friend to switch rooms, and the friend brought her friends with her. One of them was allergic to shutting up for more than two consecutive seconds (no topic was too trivial!), and another one was absolutely nutty about the national team. I mean yeah, they're hawt, but I sincerely hope that I wasn't such a shallow idiot when I was 14.
* Some people will always remain twits, even after they're out of their teens. A few of the boys from the national team found out that the big shallow twit thought one guy in particular was gorgeous, and made up some crap for the sole purpose of embarrassing the poor girl.
* Sharing a room with five teenage twits who won't shut up when it's time to go to sleep is not good for my mood. Sharing a room with five teenage twits and two grown up girls who are fond of stumbling into the room and turning on the light an hour after the curfew, thus waking up the teenage twits and setting them a-chattering again is even worse for my mood.
* I need to start paying attention to my wardrobe. I barely brought anything to wear outside of practice, but I had ten athletic bras and a number of shirts to wear underneath my uniform.
* My ass needs to be significantly reduced. When the pants of your taekwon-do uniform hurts more when you're doing stretches than the actual stretching... it's time to take action.
* Peanut butter and chocolate spread taste awesome together. Sadly, the above point prevents me from continuing the habit of having sandwiches like that on a regular basis.
* Even a self-proclaimed hater of fish thinks that fish is awesome after 5-6 hours of working out. Basically, anything that's edible is awesome at this point.
* Being splashed with cold (or even not so cold) water after a two hour work out session feels pretty great, even if you didn't see it coming. It's also fun to splash water at others.
* I need to get half my sweat glands removed. I sweat too easily and way too much. Ick.
* I think I saw the guy (you know... that one) holding hands with a girl. Not entirely sure that it was him, because he was walking away, but it looked like him, and although it's been more than six months, it still stung to know that the girl wasn't and isn't ever likely to be me. I want him to be happy though.
* Being the only person in the car with a driver's licence on a long road trip sucks.
* Holy crap! There are 74 posts accumulated in my google reader!
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Happy birthday to me!
On this day, exactly twenty two years, ten hours and six minutes ago, a baby girl was placed into my momma's waiting arms. Or maybe she was still swearing like a sailor, trying to push the bundle of love that is me out of her. I don't know. My memory of that day is a little shaky.
Anyway.
I'm not that big on birthdays. They were fun when I was little, but when you get past a certain age, they're just another day. At least in my family. Yesterday, we had a family get-together to celebrate my sister's and my birthday, since our birthdays are only a few weeks apart. Everyone was wishing my sister a happy belated birthday, whereas only my uncle and one of my cousins remembered that my birthday was coming up today. My sister got more presents than I did. Today, I got up early because was getting my haircut, and when I came home, my parents were having breakfast. They said my hair looked nice. I asked them whether they had anything else to say. They looked at me with puzzled expressions on their faces. Even with that big a clue, they didn't remember that it is my birthday today. Same with my brother. Yes, I know. I am so loved.
So, to have something on my birthday that's all about me, I've decided to do a '100 things about me' type post. Only it's not going to be 100 things, it's gonna me as many things as I can bother to write down before I'm tired of this. Here goes:
1. I was born on July 26th, 1986 at 4:22 AM. My mom wasn't due to give birth until September first, so it's clear to me that I had as big a phobia about being late back then as I do now. Well, slightly worse maybe, seeing as I've never again felt the urge to be five weeks early for anything.
2. I love to read. I read a lot. I read just about anything. I'm going away for summer camp today (yeah, I'll be spending a huge chunk of my birthday driving. Swell, huh?), and although we'll be working out around six hours every day, in addition to mandatory activities every evening, I've bought three books with me. One of them is a copy of the complete works of William Shakespeare. Just so you know, I'm not planning on finishing it this week. I just want to read a play or two when I'm not in the mood for Atonement or Daddy's girl, which are the other books I've brought. Those two books are also my birthday presents from my siblings. Yay!
3. My favorite sport is taekwon-do. I've been doing it since I was sixteen years old, and this following week will be my sixth time participating in the annual taekwon-do camp. I can't wait! My rank is 1.GUP.2, for those of you who know about the ranking system in taekwon-do. For those of you who don't, it means that my belt is red with three black stripes. If you still don't know where that leaves me... it means that the next time I pass a grading test, I will be a black belt. Go me!
4. My favorite number is four.
5. I absolutely adore comics: I prefer the funny strip type comic, but I have been known to read other kinds as well, like Donald Duck, Superman and Batman. My favorites are, however, Pondus, Nemi (Norwegian comics, both of them...) and Fox Trot.
6. I can never stay mad at anyone. I sometimes have an explosive temper, but although I vow to not speak to someone again until they've apologized, I never last for more than a little while. I guess I'm a bit of a pushover, because I can't stay mad even when I should be furious.
7. I lived in Ohio, US, for ten months from I was eighteen until I was almost nineteen. The experiences of those ten months are among the greatest experiences of my life, and although there are many things I regret missing because of my time as an exchange student, I'm glad that I did it, and I'm proud of myself for it. I don't think I've ever been so scared as when I watched my dad walk out of the airport the day I left, leaving me alone there, about to embark on a journey that would take more than twenty four hours, at the end of which I would meet the seven strangers that I would be living with during my stay in Ohio. When I walked out of the terminal, there were only four people waiting though, which was probably good, seeing as the whole thing was overwhelming enough as it was.
8. At twenty two years of age, I've never been in a proper relationship. Although I love men, and wouldn't mind having a boyfriend, it's not a top priority of mine. If I meet someone, I meet someone. No use in obsessing about wanting a boyfriend. At least not until I'm nearing thirty. By then I think my biological clock will be ticking furiously.
9. I have held a job since I was fourteen years old. At one point, I even had two jobs. I never actually needed a job, but I liked having my own money, and my parents liked that I wasn't begging for money all the time. Oddly enough, now that I'm attending university and could use some extra money, I don't work, other than during the summer and holidays.
10. I'm studying for a bachelor's degree in general psychology. Originally, I wanted to be a therapist, but it's crazy competitive, and I didn't feel like getting disappointed if I didn't get in, so I never applied for the profession study. Instead, I continued with my BA, and I'm hoping to do a master's degree, although that will probably mean that I have to move to another city.
11. If they aren't offering an MA program when I've finished my BA, I'm more inclined to moving to Ireland (or England...) to do my MA than move to another university in Norway.
12. I fall asleep easier if I can listen to something while I'm trying to sleep. Music does work, but just normal talking works much better. For that reason, I have numerous stand up comedy shows, audiobooks, and even psychology lectures on my mp3-player. I've also discovered that I prefer falling asleep to a man's voice.
13. I'm a computer geek, and I don't care who knows it. I've been doing HTML since I was around 13-14 years old, and a few years ago I learnt CSS, and I'm currently trying to learn PHP, but it's not going very quick, mainly because I never have time or the inclination to sit down and learn.
14. My favorite song ever is 'I don't want to miss a thing' by Aerosmith. Cheesy, no?
15. My mp3-player is an eclectic mess. I'm sure that pretty much anyone could find something that they like in there, because, if put on shuffle, my mp3-player can easily jump from Eminem to Mozart to Backstreet Boys to AC/DC to Everly Brothers to Iron Maiden to Andrews Sisters to System of a Down. It's enough to make any die hard shed a few tears, hearing their favorites being listened to by someone who also listens to Backstreet Boys.
16. I had a huge crush on Nick Carter when I was younger. Now he makes me shudder.
17. I rarely wear make-up. At all. I hate leaving my toenails unpainted though, because I fell off a diving board while I was warming up for a swim meet and it left hy-uge white spots that are really more yellow than white by now, because they're old, and they've been covered up with red nail varnish for years.
...
I could go on, I'm not tired yet, but I'm leaving in about an hour, and my mother isn't in a very good mood. So. To be continued!
Anyway.
I'm not that big on birthdays. They were fun when I was little, but when you get past a certain age, they're just another day. At least in my family. Yesterday, we had a family get-together to celebrate my sister's and my birthday, since our birthdays are only a few weeks apart. Everyone was wishing my sister a happy belated birthday, whereas only my uncle and one of my cousins remembered that my birthday was coming up today. My sister got more presents than I did. Today, I got up early because was getting my haircut, and when I came home, my parents were having breakfast. They said my hair looked nice. I asked them whether they had anything else to say. They looked at me with puzzled expressions on their faces. Even with that big a clue, they didn't remember that it is my birthday today. Same with my brother. Yes, I know. I am so loved.
So, to have something on my birthday that's all about me, I've decided to do a '100 things about me' type post. Only it's not going to be 100 things, it's gonna me as many things as I can bother to write down before I'm tired of this. Here goes:
1. I was born on July 26th, 1986 at 4:22 AM. My mom wasn't due to give birth until September first, so it's clear to me that I had as big a phobia about being late back then as I do now. Well, slightly worse maybe, seeing as I've never again felt the urge to be five weeks early for anything.
2. I love to read. I read a lot. I read just about anything. I'm going away for summer camp today (yeah, I'll be spending a huge chunk of my birthday driving. Swell, huh?), and although we'll be working out around six hours every day, in addition to mandatory activities every evening, I've bought three books with me. One of them is a copy of the complete works of William Shakespeare. Just so you know, I'm not planning on finishing it this week. I just want to read a play or two when I'm not in the mood for Atonement or Daddy's girl, which are the other books I've brought. Those two books are also my birthday presents from my siblings. Yay!
3. My favorite sport is taekwon-do. I've been doing it since I was sixteen years old, and this following week will be my sixth time participating in the annual taekwon-do camp. I can't wait! My rank is 1.GUP.2, for those of you who know about the ranking system in taekwon-do. For those of you who don't, it means that my belt is red with three black stripes. If you still don't know where that leaves me... it means that the next time I pass a grading test, I will be a black belt. Go me!
4. My favorite number is four.
5. I absolutely adore comics: I prefer the funny strip type comic, but I have been known to read other kinds as well, like Donald Duck, Superman and Batman. My favorites are, however, Pondus, Nemi (Norwegian comics, both of them...) and Fox Trot.
6. I can never stay mad at anyone. I sometimes have an explosive temper, but although I vow to not speak to someone again until they've apologized, I never last for more than a little while. I guess I'm a bit of a pushover, because I can't stay mad even when I should be furious.
7. I lived in Ohio, US, for ten months from I was eighteen until I was almost nineteen. The experiences of those ten months are among the greatest experiences of my life, and although there are many things I regret missing because of my time as an exchange student, I'm glad that I did it, and I'm proud of myself for it. I don't think I've ever been so scared as when I watched my dad walk out of the airport the day I left, leaving me alone there, about to embark on a journey that would take more than twenty four hours, at the end of which I would meet the seven strangers that I would be living with during my stay in Ohio. When I walked out of the terminal, there were only four people waiting though, which was probably good, seeing as the whole thing was overwhelming enough as it was.
8. At twenty two years of age, I've never been in a proper relationship. Although I love men, and wouldn't mind having a boyfriend, it's not a top priority of mine. If I meet someone, I meet someone. No use in obsessing about wanting a boyfriend. At least not until I'm nearing thirty. By then I think my biological clock will be ticking furiously.
9. I have held a job since I was fourteen years old. At one point, I even had two jobs. I never actually needed a job, but I liked having my own money, and my parents liked that I wasn't begging for money all the time. Oddly enough, now that I'm attending university and could use some extra money, I don't work, other than during the summer and holidays.
10. I'm studying for a bachelor's degree in general psychology. Originally, I wanted to be a therapist, but it's crazy competitive, and I didn't feel like getting disappointed if I didn't get in, so I never applied for the profession study. Instead, I continued with my BA, and I'm hoping to do a master's degree, although that will probably mean that I have to move to another city.
11. If they aren't offering an MA program when I've finished my BA, I'm more inclined to moving to Ireland (or England...) to do my MA than move to another university in Norway.
12. I fall asleep easier if I can listen to something while I'm trying to sleep. Music does work, but just normal talking works much better. For that reason, I have numerous stand up comedy shows, audiobooks, and even psychology lectures on my mp3-player. I've also discovered that I prefer falling asleep to a man's voice.
13. I'm a computer geek, and I don't care who knows it. I've been doing HTML since I was around 13-14 years old, and a few years ago I learnt CSS, and I'm currently trying to learn PHP, but it's not going very quick, mainly because I never have time or the inclination to sit down and learn.
14. My favorite song ever is 'I don't want to miss a thing' by Aerosmith. Cheesy, no?
15. My mp3-player is an eclectic mess. I'm sure that pretty much anyone could find something that they like in there, because, if put on shuffle, my mp3-player can easily jump from Eminem to Mozart to Backstreet Boys to AC/DC to Everly Brothers to Iron Maiden to Andrews Sisters to System of a Down. It's enough to make any die hard shed a few tears, hearing their favorites being listened to by someone who also listens to Backstreet Boys.
16. I had a huge crush on Nick Carter when I was younger. Now he makes me shudder.
17. I rarely wear make-up. At all. I hate leaving my toenails unpainted though, because I fell off a diving board while I was warming up for a swim meet and it left hy-uge white spots that are really more yellow than white by now, because they're old, and they've been covered up with red nail varnish for years.
...
I could go on, I'm not tired yet, but I'm leaving in about an hour, and my mother isn't in a very good mood. So. To be continued!
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
July 15th, 1935
I knew as soon as I heard my father tell me that I should probably sit down. I don't normally believe in the paranormal, or anything like that, but I just knew. As soon as I heard his voice on the phone, my thoughts went straight to you, even though he could have been calling for a number of reasons: an accident, an illness, whatever. It could have been about something that happened to someone other than you, because you were perfectly healthy, as far as we knew. That you should die of a heart attack at age seventy was just unthinkable. It still is. You were the one person in my life that was always good, no matter what. They say that I'm like you, but I'm not. We looked alike. We shared a love for all the same things, for reading, for crossword puzzles, for sleeping in, for travelling. But I could never hope to be as good as you were. I can be so petty, so mean and so cynical, despite the good example you always set for me.
I guess you never really know what you have until it suddenly isn't there anymore. I thought we'd have time for everything. For talking, for planning, for meeting boyfriends, for marriage, for having children. Never once did it cross my mind that the last time I spoke with you, that time on the phone, that it would be the very last time. I would have made so much more out of it. I can't even remember what we talked about. Something nonsensical, I'm sure. I regret that. There's so much I regret. I regret going to America, I regret not being with you that last year of your life. I know you wouldn't want me to, and that you thought my choice to go was brave and exciting. You would have loved to do something like that, my dad said when you gave me a hundred dollars for my birthday right before I left, even though you'd already gotten me a present. I had so many great experiences, but I would give them all up for those last seven months, for a fresher memory of you. I wish I could have spent that last Christmas with you, and hold on to that rather than the Christmas card that you sent me. I wish I had decided to go home for your funeral, regardless of what my parents said about spending hours and hours alone in airports at a time like that. I wish I had done it anyway. I wish I had called you more often, just to hear your voice, just to tell you that I loved you. Because I did. I do. I wish you had gotten that card I sent you from Florida, the one that came in the mail the day that you died. It said that I missed you, and that I loved you. I wish you could have gotten to read that. I wish for so many things.
I wish you were here again.
I wish I didn't have to write this to wish you a happy birthday. I wish I could be spending the evening at your house, with the rest of our family, smiling and eating cake, and celebrating you and your seventy-third birthday, instead of crying as I try to think of the right words to best express that I miss you more than any words could ever hope to convey. I guess I'll just say it:
I miss you.
Happy birthday, grandma.
Becky, happy birthday to you too. If astrology and all that jazz has anything to it, you have got to be pretty amazing, because you share your birthday with the greatest woman that ever lived.
I guess you never really know what you have until it suddenly isn't there anymore. I thought we'd have time for everything. For talking, for planning, for meeting boyfriends, for marriage, for having children. Never once did it cross my mind that the last time I spoke with you, that time on the phone, that it would be the very last time. I would have made so much more out of it. I can't even remember what we talked about. Something nonsensical, I'm sure. I regret that. There's so much I regret. I regret going to America, I regret not being with you that last year of your life. I know you wouldn't want me to, and that you thought my choice to go was brave and exciting. You would have loved to do something like that, my dad said when you gave me a hundred dollars for my birthday right before I left, even though you'd already gotten me a present. I had so many great experiences, but I would give them all up for those last seven months, for a fresher memory of you. I wish I could have spent that last Christmas with you, and hold on to that rather than the Christmas card that you sent me. I wish I had decided to go home for your funeral, regardless of what my parents said about spending hours and hours alone in airports at a time like that. I wish I had done it anyway. I wish I had called you more often, just to hear your voice, just to tell you that I loved you. Because I did. I do. I wish you had gotten that card I sent you from Florida, the one that came in the mail the day that you died. It said that I missed you, and that I loved you. I wish you could have gotten to read that. I wish for so many things.
I wish you were here again.
I wish I didn't have to write this to wish you a happy birthday. I wish I could be spending the evening at your house, with the rest of our family, smiling and eating cake, and celebrating you and your seventy-third birthday, instead of crying as I try to think of the right words to best express that I miss you more than any words could ever hope to convey. I guess I'll just say it:
I miss you.
Happy birthday, grandma.
Becky, happy birthday to you too. If astrology and all that jazz has anything to it, you have got to be pretty amazing, because you share your birthday with the greatest woman that ever lived.
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